Questions you get as a parent of twins

As a parent of twins, you’re subject to a series of questioning, whether appropriate or not. Here is a list of common questions twin parents get:

1. “Are they TWINS?!”

This is the initiation of complete strangers striking up conversation, and asking a million questions about your children. This question always tempts me to be sarcastic, but I refrain due to the possibility of someone taking me serious and looking at me in horror as I say, ” No, triplets, but we sold the third one for diapers”. 

2.  “Are they identical or fraternal?”

People want to clarify if twins are identical or non-identical, but most really don’t know what that even means. Unless you know what it means, don’t ask. 

3. “Boys or girls?”

I’ll admit, my daughter has gone bald twice, I don’t put bows, tutus or frilly clothing on her all the time, and we’ve left the house on a few occasions with her wearing her brother’s clothing. I could see why someone would question her sex during those times. Nonetheless, every family outing, I’m asked “boys or girls?”.  Very, very rarely, “One of each?” (I think everyone forgets boy/girl twins exist).

4. “So you’re done now?”

This is one of those questions that really irks me. And, here’s why: People assume that reproducing is always a choice. What if I didn’t have a choice? What if I didn’t have a choice to be “done”? What if that choice was already decided, because I couldn’t conceive again due to infertility? What if I was devastated that I couldn’t grow my family, having a large family like I had always dreamed? 

Also, if I were to say, “No, we want to have more”, I imagine that you are imaging me trying to have more children, and that’s just weird. 

5. “We’re they conceived naturally?”

Whoa. Let’s just get to it. Want to ask me how many tries it took to conceive them, too?  

Remember, infertility is a sensitive topic. If you don’t know the person, you probably shouldn’t ask this question. 

6. “Which is your favorite?”

Ask me every day, and each day, I could give you a different answer. On some days, that answer could be neither or both. Both babies have okay, good, great, bad and terrible days. That doesn’t mean I like one more than the other. I love them both, equally. 

7. “Do twins run in your family?”

Although twins seem elusive, twins exist in every family. Sometimes it’s distant relatives that are twins or sometimes it’s immediate. Having a twin or being a twin doesn’t require immediate family members to be twins. It doesn’t have to “run” in families, and can occur for other reasons. Also, remember-identical twins can occur spontaneously. 

8. “How do you do it?”

I just do. I mean, I have to. It’s hard, and I knew it would be the moment I found out I was having twins. A lot of times I’m poorly rested, underequipped, and overwhelmed. I chose to be a mommy, though. I go with my gut instinct, and do what the situation demands. 

9. “Are you nursing?” 

As they look at your breasts. Not even joking. 

You can ask this question, just don’t make it weird.

10. “Who was first?”

People have this notion that birth order determines personality. People also believe that boys should be the first born, to be the “big, older brother”. That’s not how it works with twins. The truth is, most twins are born within minutes of each other, and that time frame is not enough to dictate their personalities. 

Which means yes, either sex can come first. 

11. “Did you have them naturally?”

No, I had them VAGINALLY. 

12. “What if you have twins again (or triplets)?

This journey of having twins has made me so thankful that I could even carry one, let alone two babies. So, if it happens, it happens, and I’ll be better equipped this time. 

13. “What do you when they both cry at the same time?”

I cry, too! Okay, not every time, but I definitely have before. With twins, you try your best to get them on the same schedule. With that, they’re bound to get hungry, fussy, tired, poop, around the same time. This means they might cry at the same time. So, depending on the need and urgency of the need, I may try: 

•Consoling one, while the other remains crying

•Try double duty by holding them both 

•Bottle prop

But, very rarely, do they both demonstrate equal amount of distress at the same time, and in that case, whoever is louder, wins.

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